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Response Center #2771A

" . . . like a bottle of tequila wrapped around Sigmund Freud."

Scenes from a Resurrection, or: The Road to Suicide
TM's note: I took a stab at the origin of Suicide once before, but it was frankly awful, and that should be considered noncanon. Ever since then, though, I've known that I had to go back and finish that part of his story properly.

You see, Agent Suicide of RC #2771a is in an unusual position. He's a canon character--or a close replica of one, created by a typo in my original copy of the book. But though he's insane, violent and handy, therefore a perfect fit for the PPC, he's also a man out of his time. He drinks fermented mare's milk, plays a sport involving dead goats, considers horses more useful than people, carries a quiver made of human skin, and faces his duty only because he hopes it'll get him killed permanently.

Today, after several years with the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, he's also mostly literate and somewhat acquainted with how to behave himself in modern society (although he often chooses not to). But what was he like when he first awoke? What, exactly, did the ultimate self-destructive man say when he rose from the dead?

Well, there's a reason there's a language warning on this. 

Thanks to Neshomeh for looking this over and giving me some tips on dialect and content. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: The PPC and its associated characters and concepts were created by Jay and Acacia. Suicide, in his original incarnation, was created by Stephen Pressfield. Igors are the creation of Terry Pratchett. No infringement is intended--this is all purely for fun.

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Mission #8: Tough to Take

Disclaimer: The PPC were created by Jay and Acacia. “Tough Cookie,” the story and the character both, were the property of an author whose name I unfortunately lost when the story was deleted. (I managed to save the story, but not the author's name, and if anyone can point me towards it I'd be most grateful.) G.I. Joe and all associated characters and concepts are the property of Hasbro Inc.

A few notes about the mission itself. First, I debated a long time about the method of assassination and showing (or not showing) what happened. The method of disposal was practically necessary, given the Sue's crimes, but showing the whole business struck me as unnecessary and creepy.

Secondly, this is marked as Mission #8 because the Mission That Shall Not Be Spoken Of was never completed and is considered tres taboo, making this the agents' eighth official outing together. Yes, the MTSNBSO will be coming back to haunt them.

Thirdly, thanks to my older brothers DGuy and shrapnil77 for clarifying my military information and brainstorming what would realistically happen to someone in that position.

And finally, the “smile” quote is from one of my favorite episodes of Firefly. I thought it was about time Suicide started expanding his continuum knowledge.

Warning: naughty language contained herein. Ye be warned.

Mission #8Collapse )

Update regarding material and the timeline
Hello, all! Though this is technically the place for RC #2771a and all its materials, there are some things to note.

First, not all the missions are going to be archived here right now. The gracious Neshomeh has kindly hosted the original Suicide-Diocletian-Ithalond missions on her PPC: The Lost Tales site, and those missions can be found at http://plotprotectors.tripod.com/sudiolond/ . After their last recorded mission, Suicide and Diocletian vanished under mysterious circumstances (read: ran like hell from a fic they couldn't handle) and hid out in Azeroth for several years, hoping never to return to the PPC. They were eventually discovered by a couple of agents dealing with a Warcraft badfic (in the mission "The Dark Side," found at http://starshadowhall.tripod.com/ppc/rc999/04tds.html ), and dragged back into active duty as of "Ring Child" (http://starshadowhall.tripod.com/ppc/rc999/05rc.html).

I hope to reformat and post the original missions somewhere more permanent in future, but for now, Neshomeh's site is the best place for them. The missions posted here will carry on after "Ring Child," and I recommend you read the previous missions before proceeding. Here's the timeline as it currently stands:

Hosted on Lost Tales:
Ranariel, Elf Ranger of the North (Lord of the Rings)
Of Sar-Plasm, Sue Pies, and Other Affairs of the Organs (Narnia)
'Twas Many and Many a Year Ago, in a Nondescript Random Town by the Sea (Pirates of the Caribbean)
Ow, Ow, and Ow Again (Harry Potter)
Just One Letter (Harry Potter)
Subjugation (Harry Potter, currently a true Lost Mission)

Returned for co-missions:
The Dark Side (Wow/Fullmetal Alchemist--cameo only)
Ring Child (Harry Potter/LotR)

New missions posted here:
Tough to Take (G.I. Joe)

Meet the Agents
Welcome to PPC Response Center #2771a! Now that you're here, take some time out--relax, put your feet up on the sentient microwave, and meet our agents!

Suicide is the main man and doubtless the most lethal of #2771a's inhabitants. He's supposedly an uncanonical clone of the character of the same name, a Scythian squire to the Lakedaemonians who died at Thermopylae with his masters and friends. (See Steven Pressfield's Gates of Fire.) However, he identifies as the real character, so it's possible that there may be more he's not telling anybody.

Like his original incarnation in the book, Agent Suicide is active, cheerful, implacable, and utterly, utterly psychotic. He earned his name from the Spartan gentleman-rankers for being a deathseeker, actively hurling himself into battle in hopes of being killed. To him, being resurrected is the ultimate setback, and he's been trying to get himself offed as a PPC agent ever since. Two Sues have almost managed it, but something always intervenes.

His partnership with Diocletian has had a (somewhat) calming influence on him. He thoroughly dislikes the idea that he is a character from a book, and prefers to think of himself as someone who's simply traveled forward in time a bit; Diocletian has helped him assimilate, sort of, and introduced him to modern concepts like anesthetics and smoking. He still can't shake the habit of seeing everything through the lens of his old life, mentally classifying everyone as squires, helots or Peers and keeping to the worship of the Scythian gods, but Diocletian is his closest friend and when she advises him to do something, he listens. Sometimes.

Some things she'll never be able to break him of, though. He skins and tans Sue hides to make his trademark white leather quivers, celebrates funerals by smoking hemp, and though he prefers women most often he is (in his own words) "not picky" about which gender he sleeps with. His current infatuation is Nurse Jenni Robinson, who doesn't put up with his BS.

Diocletian Astreth is an ex-Mary-Sue formerly known as Dea the Red. A would-be Maia with a crush on Legolas and a familial connection to the Witch-King, Dea nevertheless managed to scrape just enough points to avoid being assassinated, and was instead taken back to Headquarters for rehabilitation. Heavy therapy and constant Logicillin doses stripped away the Sueishness, leaving only the underdeveloped core of her personality: combativeness, sarcasm, a determination to do the job right, and a love of every possible form of overkill.

After accidentally nuking an uncanonical Rivendell, Diocletian was handed over to Suicide, who had also been having trouble fitting in. Between the deathseeking and his inability to comprehend modern culture in any form, he'd royally screwed the pooch on several Bad Slash missions, and he and Dio were put together in hopes that they'd either cancel out or kill each other.

They clicked. For Diocletian, still adrift after the loss of her Sue abilities (hence her love of things that go kaboom), Suicide was a power surrogate: someone who could act as insane and violent as need be, but get away with it because it was IC and canonical for him. With her partner handling the crazy part of the Duty, she was free to develop into her own character. Nowadays, they're as close to BFFs as you can get in the PPC, although if Suicide doesn't quit getting into testosterone contests with Nume she won't answer for the consequences . . . 

Some parts of her old life she'll never be able to shake: her interest in Orcs, her habit of swearing by Eru, and her love of maces and morningstars are here to stay.