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Response Center #2771A

" . . . like a bottle of tequila wrapped around Sigmund Freud."

Scenes from a Resurrection, or: The Road to Suicide
TM's note: I took a stab at the origin of Suicide once before, but it was frankly awful, and that should be considered noncanon. Ever since then, though, I've known that I had to go back and finish that part of his story properly.

You see, Agent Suicide of RC #2771a is in an unusual position. He's a canon character--or a close replica of one, created by a typo in my original copy of the book. But though he's insane, violent and handy, therefore a perfect fit for the PPC, he's also a man out of his time. He drinks fermented mare's milk, plays a sport involving dead goats, considers horses more useful than people, carries a quiver made of human skin, and faces his duty only because he hopes it'll get him killed permanently.

Today, after several years with the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, he's also mostly literate and somewhat acquainted with how to behave himself in modern society (although he often chooses not to). But what was he like when he first awoke? What, exactly, did the ultimate self-destructive man say when he rose from the dead?

Well, there's a reason there's a language warning on this. 

Thanks to Neshomeh for looking this over and giving me some tips on dialect and content. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: The PPC and its associated characters and concepts were created by Jay and Acacia. Suicide, in his original incarnation, was created by Stephen Pressfield. Igors are the creation of Terry Pratchett. No infringement is intended--this is all purely for fun.

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